It’s not uncommon for people in coaching to get stuck.
They might get lost in their thinking, or they might just come to a point where they say outright, “I’m stuck”.
So how do we get them unstuck?
First, we need to notice it, and not get stuck with them! If we jump into the well with them, then neither of us will be able to get out.
We have a number of options:
- Re-contract to sign-post a new direction: what do you know now that you didn’t know before? [allow them to answer]. So where would be useful to go next?
- Stand up or move to a new chair: invite them to move, and you will be amazed at how much new insight they will get from a new position. I sometimes ask: “what do you see from this new place that wasn’t obvious to you before?” It works every time
- Check out their body language: are they hunched over, making themselves small? That might be sending signals to their brain that they are small and that their thinking needs to remain small. That’s another cue to invite them to stand up and centre themselves so that they can stand in their full dignity, backed by all their previous history and resources. This will assure them that they can figure it out
- Use a different process: we tend to assume that coaching is all about talking. But sometimes we get stuck when we talk. Maybe it might be useful to draw the situation instead, or map it out using buttons or objects. Once our coachee sees it, they might then notice new thinking. “What do you notice?”
- Match for rapport, mismatch for change: at the start of a session, we may choose to match their tone, pace, pitch, position etc, but once we have enough trust and intimacy in this way, it’s time to mismatch. That can be enough to shift the way they think.
- Don’t feel you need to come up with a brilliant question – ask them what question they know they need to answer to get them to move forwards. Put the responsibility back onto them to help themselves.
