I wrote about the importance of maturity last week, on the part of the supervisor AND the supervisee. Assuming you have a good level of Emotional Intelligence, then the best way to achieve maturity is in the quality of the Courageous Conversations you have.
That means both parties are stepping up into mature ways of being together. We all need to commit to Courageous Observing, but it’s not enough to keep those observations to ourselves. What good is it if we are self-aware, if we don’t share that awareness with people around us who can help us to develop and grow in line with our personal aspirations. So we have to follow that with Courageous Sharing – both parties being authentic about their needs and desires. This is not a one-way street, where the supervisee gets to be completely vulnerable and the supervisor shares nothing about his or her own “stuff”. Trust is built over time by both parties sharing. I don’t mean trying to out-do each other, like in the Monty Python sketch about living in a cardboard box! But sharing your joys, your passions, your highs, your lows, your learning, your needs. And when listening to the others’ needs and desires, being receptive to listening to those – REALLY listening, not half listening while you think about your project. Really attempting to understand, from the other person’s perspective how it looks from their place in the world. This is all about valuing diversity. We talk about diversity in terms of gender, race etc, but it’s much more than that – each one of us is different from the next person; we are unique. So in order to understand that unique set of values and beliefs, we must pay attention.
Then of course, we Courageously Respond. Being supportive – and sometimes being challenging (more on that in the next post). And the individual still has responsibility for their own stuff and their next steps. Our response might help them to figure out those next steps – ideally using a coach approach, as it really doesn’t help them to grow in the long-run if we keep telling them what they “should” do. Our way is not necessarily the best way for them. So asking, rather than telling.
To catch up on the series so far….
