The aim of coaching is to move the thinker beyond known thinking to new thinking.
Coaching is unlike any conversation you have ever had. In “normal” conversation, you probably update people with stories or context about what has happened, bringing them up to speed. You don’t need to do that in coaching. You already know that story or context, so recounting it will not necessarily get you to new thinking, especially if you have said it out loud before to a colleague or a friend. You know it already. Your coach does not need to know it.
You may wonder why your coach does not need to know the context. Well here’s the thing: they are not there to fix the situation for you, so they do not need the detail. As long as you know the detail, they can ask you questions that help you to get to new thinking rather than going over old ground.
That said, if it’s the first time you have said it out loud, that may be useful to you, because you may start to join some dots that you had not joined when it was going around in your head. So when your coach checks in with you and asks you whether it’s useful to say this out loud, it’s your choice to say yes and to carry on, if it is giving you new insights, or to realise that no, it’s giving you nothing new and your time with your coach would be better used if you were to focus on new thinking.
You have a certain amount of time with your coach, and it makes sense to use it to move you forwards rather than dwelling on stuff you already know. It might feel cathartic to blurt it all out and have a moan, but does using 30 minutes of your session in this way help you to figure out where to go next? It might, but you would also lose time figuring out the more important stuff around who you want to be in that situation and how you will rise to the challenge.
So come to your coaching prepared to bottom line, to give a summary of what’s going on and how it feels. Focus on what you would like to be different and use the coaching time to work towards that.
Spot on.