My gorgeous, eldest bloodhound Katy has just left the house to go to the vet for a biopsy on a lump under her tongue. I am sick to the bottom of my stomach. The vet assures us it probably isn’t cancer as she’s so young, but I can’t help being anxious…and not just about the outcome, but about how she’s going to deal with the whole trauma of being anaesthetised and coming round all groggy, with a sore tongue.
I’m upset about some other stuff going on at work too. Trying to sort through my emotions about that as well.
I tell you these things not for your sympathy…I’ll get the help I need from my coach, my supervisor, my friends and of course, the vet.
I tell you to remind us all that everyone around us has stuff they are worried about, stuff they are angry about, stuff they are not sure how to deal with; as well as happy things going on in their lives. And as their supervisors, career counsellors and colleagues, we need to remember that every life has as story.
Our role is to help people to work with those stories. Not to project our own stories onto them, and imagine they think the same as we do about stuff. We are all unique. That’s how non-directive coaching helps us to help others the most.
So this week, think about stopping yourself from projecting your own story onto others; and asking them how they are doing – then really listen to their answer, and ask more questions to help them to solve their dilemmas.
Here’s Rob Allen’s story about how coaching helped him:
“I am not your typical suspect for someone who would seek coaching on a regular basis as I have never really experienced the benefits of sharing thoughts, feelings and experiences with anyone other than close friends and family. Having been through 6-8 months of coaching I can clearly see the benefit and advantages that it can bring for individuals.
Although – due to my own lack of commitment – my coaching relationship didn’t work out – the times that I did use it appropriately, I enjoyed it and saw its value. I think however it is very important to bear in mind that approaching a coaching relationship should not be taken lightly. You must want to use a coach and you must have tangible, meaty subjects to talk about or the session can lose its value. It is unrealistic to think that for every session there will be a subject that magically appears so I would recommend sharing your long term goals with your coach at the beginning of the relationship so that if there is no particular subject/issue to discuss in that session – you can revert back to those and the session will still add value.
I think coaching is a fantastic offering and I am a very big believer and advocate for ‘mentoring’ and ‘business coaching’ for individuals – both inside and outside our firm and I believe that coaching fits into this area of personal and self development very well. I think it is important to be able to express yourself to someone about work but who isn’t connected to your day to day work life. It is helpful to have someone help you ‘take that step back’ from a situation and work out the best way forward.”
