I’ve been thinking a lot about strokes lately (can you tell??) and there are a couple in particular that are on my mind at the moment. One was a positive piece of feedback from Bob (for those of you new to this blog, Bob is my boss); and one was a constructive piece of feedback from the two other coaches in my coaching triad (where I practice and get feedback on my professional coaching skills). These two pieces of feedback are somewhat opposite and that’s why I am giving them some reflection time.
So Bob said he noticed my high levels of emotional intelligence in dealing with a recent situation. And I accepted that feedback (remember Monday’s post on the Stroke Economy that explains how that works, or not as the case may be).
One of my co-coaches said she noticed how my voice rose, in a Child-like manner, when I was talking about stuff that bothered me. It was as though I were stamping my little feet in frustration, through that high pitched voice. Oh, and I noticed myself doing it yesterday in a different call with Bob, when I got a bit whiney about a piece of work I didn’t really want to do – so immature! Ouch. Where’s my emotional intelligence now?
As I think about this though, am I confusing emotional intelligence for being in Adult mode? I think I might be. Being emotionally intelligent is recognising your emotions, and working with them. And emotions do tend to come from our Child. The trick is knowing what they are, and working out what you plan to do about those emotions. Rather than brushing them under the carpet, we need to see them for what they are – clues to what we are passionate about. And that’s where the Integrated Adult gets to work. I wrote that it’s all about Accounting:
- realising there is a problem (whether that’s with the work or with our relationship)
- giving it significance, rather than overlooking the importance of the problem
- knowing it can be solved, and that
- people can change and solve problems
- believing that we can act on the options, and doing so, to get to success
So my Child-like voice (and the feedback I received) was a sign that there was a problem to be solved. No more, no less – at that point. The time it becomes a problem is when I don’t recognise the sign, and don’t give it significance, and don’t work towards resolution. If I stay in Child mode, and continue to stamp my little feet like a spoiled child. That’s where coaching REALLY helps me.
Coaching helps me to reflect on what’s going right and what to address – both opportunities and challenges. And it helps me to move into Integrated Adult. Maybe I’ll write a few posts about coaching in the next week or so. Afterall, that’s my passion, so I have lots to share there.
