As a result of my corporate “upbringing”, I set strong boundaries around time, fees, cancellations, no-shows, role responsibilities and I do my best to stick to those, because I see these as useful – and professional.
Let’s take cancellations and no-shows for example
When I was an internal coach, I was fine financially if someone cancelled a coaching session with me at the last minute, because I was still getting paid whether they showed up or not. But it still broke our agreement around committing to their learning and growth. It shows a lack of respect for the coach – as they will have planned their day and their work around the thinker. It also shows a lack of respect for the thinker themselves, as they put themselves and their needs at the bottom of the pile of things to attend to. Certainly, there are times when a cancellation is necessary, such as when a family member or the thinker themselves is sick. Or when there is a safeguarding issue at work. But in my mind, people place the wrong emphasis on urgency for other things, when (usually) no-one is going to die if the thinker says they will get back to it after their coaching.
Now that I am an external coach, I have the additional rationale for being strict with cancellations/forfeiting sessions, in that I cannot replace paid work at a moment’s notice, nor even at two or three days’ notice. Sure, I always have other work that needs to be done, but it’s not paid work and I need to make a living just like the next person.
I discuss this in my contracting with my thinkers, so they know to give me a 5 day heads up of postponement, except in the above exceptional circumstances. If I am working with them under an organisational contract, I make sure the organisation and the line manager are clear on this too, so that they do not expect the thinker to drop everything including their coaching.
My role and their role
I am also clear on my role and their role – my role is not to advise or teach or mentor. Their role is to do the hard thinking for themselves. And I stress the line manager’s role too, so that they do not get the impression that they can outsource their managerial responsibilities to me:
Coaching is exponentially more successful if you, the manager, are an integral partner in the process and give support and feedback on progress on a day-to-day basis. I would ask that you:
- Work with your employee to identify strengths, development areas, and issues to be addressed before the coaching commences
- Provide input on areas for goal setting for the coaching
- Clarify expectations
- Make needed resources available
- Release them from their work to attend their coaching sessions on time
- Encourage and celebrate wins
- Provide feedback on progress on a regular basis
- Respect the confidentiality of the coaching relationship.
Time boundaries
When it comes to time boundaries, I agree with the thinker how long a session will be and then we stick to that. I start on time (or they forfeit the time if they are late), stay on time and stop on time…because I know that my thinker may have made other plans that they need to attend to after our session. If I were to overrun, their amygdala may start firing as they get worried about being late, and as soon as that happens, they stop thinking well.
These are my boundaries and I make them transparent upfront as I see this as part of creating trust and safety. Just like children, adults need boundaries to function well.
Boundaries show that we mean business. We each decide on our own boundaries and we have choices about whether we flex those boundaries for certain reasons. But without them, we come across as disorganised, submissive and unprofessional. Remember this is a partnership, not a transactional service provision, and for that, we both need to articulate our needs and have those needs met.
