The golden rule – do as you would be done by – is not correct. Just because you would like to be treated in a certain way does not mean that everyone else would welcome the same approach. That’s why asking -vs- assuming is so important when it comes to our team members.
When we make assumptions and act according to those assumptions, our team members may say nothing. They may put up with it. They may simmer gently with every (perceived or real) micro-inequity. Their mental health may be impacted by holding on to things they should say out loud, but fear to share because of the way you or others before you have reacted.
Until they blow their top. At best, that might mean conflict between you and the team member, at worst losing them to another employer before you’ve had a chance to rectify it.
Tell us how we did…
You know how customer-facing organisations ask their customers to tell them when they get it wrong so they can put it right before it becomes a big deal? That’s how you need to think as a leader too. But don’t just expect them to come to you with their beefs. You’ll need to ask.
- What’s working in our relationship?
- What is not working?
- What do you need from me to enable you to do your job?
- What can I do to support you to achieve your ambitions? etc
You may not mind losing your under-performers as they take a lot of your time. But the people you spend little time with – because you can trust them – may feel hard done by that you spend so much of your time with the under-performers and none of your time with and on them. Get your priorities right and spend time with the people you can least afford to lose. Not in micro-managing them, but in talking to them about their needs, desires and context.
They want to know that you care.
They want to feel that connection with you and their team-mates.
They want to feel a sense of belonging.
Belonging is one of our greatest needs as human beings
A sense of belonging develops under two conditions (Roy Baumeister and Mark Leary, in their 1995 article):
- Frequent positive contact with the same group or person
- Relational experiences over a period of time
This is just as important at work as it is at home, after all, we spend how many hours at work? So what positive contact can you foster? And how can you create positive relational experiences over time? Have better, deeper, more human conversations. And you can use the same questions above to discuss as a whole team.
If you want to work on your own Human-Centred Leadership, through coaching, please get in touch via clare@clarenormancoachingassociates.com
