Endings and Beginnings

I am fascinated by making good endings in order to make great new beginnings whenever we go through some kind of change.

Well in the past couple of months, I’ve been pondering the ultimate ending – the end of life.  It’s not a topic we talk about much, but it feels really important to do it well.  One of my friends, who has cancer, is managing her ending so brilliantly that I am in awe of her.  She had a party to celebrate her – and our – lives, and it was such a beautiful occasion, with heart-felt messages shared between all who were there.

Then my book club started to read Being Mortal, by Atul Gawande, a surgeon who makes the case for better end of life care.  I was really moved by his argument, not least because my Granny-in-law fell down the stairs at just the same time, bringing the decisions about care into my circle of concern.  Gawande explained that surgery often decreases the quality of life, and even the length of life compared to hospice care; and he suggested that doctors need to have conversations with their patients about what they want from their remaining time, so that those doctors could help them to make the best decisions around next steps.

This all got me thinking – why don’t we talk about death?

Especially what we want for ourselves in our last days, months, years.  It would so help our families to make decisions on our behalf if they need to about the right course of action to enjoy the end of life we would like.  Then I found out that there is a forum for talking about death – Death Cafes.  Seems like there are rather a lot of them about.  I plan to try one out this month, as I feel like this is an ongoing learning opportunity for me.

I heard this month that the cherry blossom has special meaning to the Japanese, signifying the transience of life.  The blossoms last for just two glorious, life-affirming weeks before they are blown from the tree by the wind.  That ending reminds the Japanese to make the most of their all too short life on this earth.  What a wonderful reminder to have every year.  Every time I see the cherry blossom in my garden blooming, I will now have that same reminder to cherish every day, every week, every year; and to talk about end of life more openly with my friends and family.