Now, let’s move on to talk about how to coach a peer, which one of you requested in the survey a while back. The easy answer is that you use exactly the same skills as you would use with anyone else. (active listening, powerful questioning, presence, contracting, direct communication, creating awareness, designing actions, planning and goal setting and managing progress and accountability).
I guess what’s different is your relationship to the other person. You are equals. You might think that that makes this coaching different from when you are coaching someone who reports to you….but in fact, one of the major principles of coaching is that you treat the coachee as an equal at all times. Neither one of you is better than the other. It’s this principle that leads to really open dialogue. So coaching a peer should be no different from coaching a supervisee, in that respect at least.
The other thing to mention is that coaching cannot be done to someone who doesn’t want it. So don’t go thinking you can coach anyone, anytime, without first contracting for that. They need to want coaching. And they need to want it from you. You may not have the right relationship to coach a peer….they may not have enough trust in you, for example. You need to earn the right to coach them first. How can you build that trust, such that they ask you for coaching?
But maybe you were asking more about how to give feedback to a peer? This is a different skill remember. It can be used as a part of coaching, but in itself, it is not coaching. In many respects though, I have the same answer here….the skill of giving feedback is exactly the same, whether you are giving it upwards, sideways or downwards. Describe the situation, the behavior you saw/heard, and the impact it had on you; then move into coaching to ask them for their perspective and to work towards a solution.
I realise that giving feedback can take courage. I can’t honestly help you with that! It’s in you though – just like the Lion in the Wizard of Oz found out by the time he got to see the wizard. All I can do is encourage you to take that next step. It’s like any skill; it can be scary the first few times you try it, but after a few attempts, you see yourself getting better at it and building your confidence. You can only get better and more confident by jumping in there and doing it. Last week, I gave feedback to lots of people – upwards, sideways and downwards – and it made their days and mine. So go on, give it a go, and let us know in the comments box how it goes.
