I’ve been writing for leaders over the past few months…. now a few posts for coaches…. though I bet the leaders amongst you will also get some insights from them!
When I grew up, we didn’t have social media. So we didn’t have the constant barrage of positivity that people post these days. If you have children, you know how this can make them feel, comparing their imperfect life to the seemingly perfect life of their friends and peers. This can leave them feeling less than positive.
Positive image
Our coaching peers who post on social media are generally doing so to promote themselves, their brand and their offering. So what we see is positive, even when they are showing us their vulnerable side (as we view vulnerability as strength when displayed in others according to Brene Brown’s research).
I’ve heard this called show-reeling, though there is actually no such verb in the dictionary. A show-reel is “a short videotape containing examples of an actor’s or director’s work for showing to potential employers” (Oxford Languages, 2021). So you can see how this analogy translates into the social media world – posts or videos that contain examples of a coach’s work or thought leadership or testimonials. Generally positive. And it looks like a perfect business in comparison to our own imperfect business.
This can feel like pea-cocking (another verb that I made up): showing off our beautiful peacock tail to the world, to attract others towards us – and in the process of doing so, leading others to feel insignificant with a much less pretty tail. This is not the fault of the peacocker. They are simply marketing their wares. But to other coaches, it can feel competitive and as though they cannot compete or compare.
Behind the scenes
What we don’t see are the hardships, the grit and determination, the pushing water uphill, all the things that go on behind the scenes to set up and run a (successful or otherwise) business. We may also be forgetting that someone is X years ahead of us in building their brand and their business, so they are (though not always) showing off the fruits of their labour, labour that we have not had the chance to put in yet due to a shorter time-span.
Comparisonitis (another made-up word – I’m full of them!) is dangerous. It can stop us in our tracks if we believe that we can’t possibly be as beautiful as that other peacock. It’s often a false sense of difference, not true to life. It’s a tough enough world out there to get business, so let’s stop comparing ourselves to others. Let’s be our best and smash our own personal best instead.
