Would you indulge me while I process my grief about the passing of a dear friend, and brilliant coach? I know you’ll get something out of this too, as my plan is to write about what she taught me – about coaching and about being fully present to and in the world.
Here’s the legacy that Angela left behind…
Being not doing
Angela and I had many discussions about the difference between “doing” coaching, vursus being coach-like in your every day life. I’ve worked hard at this (which kind of defeats the object – it’s not about working hard, but simply being!), but it’s really in the last few months of her illness that I have truly understood the meaning of being, through everything that Angela was.
Let me explain with a few stories about Angela…
Helping others to articulate their passion
She used her coaching skills (such as powerful questioning and active listening) in her conversations with her medical team. When she first met them, she really wanted to know that they were passionate about their jobs, and that they really cared about their patients. So she asked them all sorts of questions about their beliefs and values. This helped her to know that she had the best team, but I bet they also went home on those evenings feeling fired up to continue. Articulating their passion to someone who was so willing to listen must have made them feel truly acknowledged as human beings. She used her expertise to help them to be the best they could be in their field of expertise.
Probing questions
And Angela continued to ask questions all the way through her illness, to really dig deep into the possible options. I bet that was a challenge to some of the people around her, but it meant that she was getting them to think hard about the best course of action for her.
Again, that will have helped her, and it will have helped them to grow as professionals too.
Positivity
Another thing I noticed in all of Angela’s posts about her progress was how grateful she was for small progress. When she regained tiny amounts of movement in a limb for example, that was a huge win for her. If I were in her position, I think I would have been more in the half empty camp…but her cup was always much more than half full. Her patience with her illness seemed endless.
Expressing gratitude towards others
Angela needed a lot of help to do even the simplest of every day things. She had a band of angels who took turns to look after her. Amazing friends. And she never once took that help for granted. She expressed her gratitude every time she posted an update about her progress. We could all learn a lesson there, about telling people regularly how much their help and friendship means to us.
Magic – actions not words
I don’t feel as though I am doing Angela justice in writing this post. I don’t quite know how to bring her magic to life in these words. She taught me so much…and most of what she taught me was not through our direct conversations, but in observing her actions.
Perhaps that’s the key here. That no matter what we SAY is important to us, it’s really our ACTIONS that convey so much more to the people around us about who we are and what we stand for.
So what will you do to better align your behaviors with your beliefs? To be truly authentic in everything you do?
Hi Clare
Thanks for sharing this. I think the most inspiring action any mentor can provide is the pot ovation to persue what others are passionate about and pay it forward. Nice blog. I am glad Angela inspired you to write it.
Thank you for sharing so openly and warmly about your friend. I do think you did her justice. It was all summed up for me with the phrase: “she had a band of angels…”. Clearly Angela was loved by many, including you with this beautiful post.